I always thought I knew you best

but the pieces of you that fell apart at my fingertips

are now tucked neatly in your best disguise

I always thought I knew you best

when your skin was close enough to breathe

and your eyes saw me through a kaleidoscope

when elves and ents flickered softly in two dimensions

and goose bumps distracted wandering lips

when private whispers were enough

when love filled the lightest parts of us

when the future was just written word

when we were okay

just being okay together

and when you and me

you and I

spun in circles holding hands in our minds

from across a country's distance

and we were okay

just being okay together...

I suppose it's just hard

at the end of things

to be able to say that I just miss you.

I miss you so much.

and that is okay.

and I am okay.

I'm okay 

I'm okay

I'm okay

I'm okay.

someday the conviction of repetition will soothe the rest, and maybe I'll believe it myself.

I don't want you anymore. 

I just want to miss you. 

it's one of those days
where time goes slow and I'm okay...
I would have taken you to see the stars
on a night where I would be okay
but you shook my gentle fingers
from your lips
and shackled my wrists to my mouth
I would have held your head
and rubbed your sore temples
but you looked in my eyes
and turned flesh to logic
letting blue burn like fire in your reason
I would have taken your hand in mine
and drank the cold from your bones

leaving scratches in your muscles

and decision in your pores
with my skin split and my senses reeling
you kissed me so fast that my head spun
and I couldn't make sense
of the words you etched into my brain
like a crooked coat hanger
your tongue destroyed my skin
and I'm left shredded softly
on the boundaries of what is real
you shook me awake
with your whispering words and esoteric stare
and stepped away to pressure the lines
time is slow, and I'm okay
because you pushed the button
that brought me to life
and the stitches are leaving me
in the hopes that your stolid arms
will return to my spine-less self
I promise that I am okay today

I promise that I am okay today
but I would have taken you to see the stars...

let's leave it be
to let the sun speak the longest words
and the cold creep forward on spindle legs
with marbled eyes
and an absent tongue
I've tried to explain it
though I feel stripped of reasoning,
naked in the hands of humanity
I was enough once
at the innocence of beginnings
with marbled eyes
and shaking hands
I gauge your distance
and fall apart
like the rest of everything
again you fumble harshly with my slippery heart
blindly, as it were.

it's like arts and crafts
with broken glass
and metal shards of words
I'm sorry that I am weak
my heart, my worth
colors splayed in shredded paper
so use the canvas
that is my skin
as if I make more sense
with fingernails made of cotton
eyes of yarn
heart of wax
courtesy of your choice
I'm sorry that I am weak
and that I find the desperation
in the shaking hands of humanity
and that I point out the noises
that keep me awake at night
I'm sorry that I am weak
that I am scared
that I am young
I'm sorry that I am weak
that I live for a minute
and die to breathe your skin
I'm sorry that I am weak
I'm sorry that I am weak
that I want
that I breathe
that I love
that I tremble and blend
with the rest of everyone
and that we are never enough...
I am never enough
I am sorry
I am sorry
I am sorry that I am weak.

this is the reason
and here is why we fall apart
from the lies
in the heartbeats in our lips
we stem to reason
in the logic of a minute
hide me
please hide me
when you're digging for the razor
buried in the muscle of your heart
just break me down
and split me open
my blood holds all the answers
and I know we're okay
we're always okay.

the limit shatters me
and the cold collapses these lungs
I'll just hold your hand
it's all I have...
measuring tape replaces my bones
to gauge the numbers
that make us old and tall and fat
bottle after bottle
smile after song
and we're learning learning
to love just love
on the wings of what is simple
here's what we know
here's what we know
I'm holding your hand
and it's all I have
all I have.

we are midnight star-gazers
dressed in the clothes
of those less broken
our bodies wet with heavy rain
that breathes our names
in the silenced darkness
can we paint all these pictures
and smooth the canvas over our eyes and mouths
it's just a memory
it's just a memory
and I breathe it breathe it
breathe the canvas
to stretch it out
taught, over my face
until I just can't
breathe it breathe it
breathe the canvas anymore
breathe it breathe it
breathe the canvas anymore
you've always been the blinking red light
fading slowly in my rearview mirror
my option for reverse is gone
and all I've got is drive...
where the fuck are you?
my lonely headlights lead me on
my lonely headlights lead me on
and I just can't breathe it breathe it
breathe the canvas anymore.